How INTJs and INFPs Approach Online Dating

How INTJs and INFPs Approach Online Dating

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How do INTJs and INFPs navigate the cesspool that is online dating? Today, an INTJ and INFP discuss their experiences using the OkCupid app, attempting to attribute the differences in their approach to cognitive functions, specifically Ni and Si.

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17 thoughts on “How INTJs and INFPs Approach Online Dating

  1. Ugh so true as an infp woman dating. Ive tried lots of different sites, and gone on lots of dates and all of the men were totally different than how I thought they would be, and only one ended in a short committed relationship which the man later broke off to go sow his wild oats

  2. Intp here- I typically like to tell the person I like them first but not necessarily make the first move if that distinction makes sense… It will usually take me years though, dispite always having an initial feeling of attraction I have to be able to rationally substantiate the feeling before I can go any further. Then it will usually take me a long time after that to dissect wether the person is compatible with me and its worth an emotional investment. If I tell the person first then I can make sure I've done it at the end of my thinking and vetting process. Still researching cognitive functions in the more day to day applications so I'm sure there is dissection to be done but perhaps another day. Great video- also love your content on micro expressions, keep up the good work

  3. 11:23 oh god, yeah, knowing that as an infp guy, I have to make the first move, and yet knowing that that is not how I am in 99% of situations just feels wrong but i always manage to force the text out, though it never comes across very natural… The saddest part is that most of the time they stop responding after a few messages, if at all, so forcing myself to do it was kind of pointless. Also like with the guy below, my only actual relationship was one where the other person initiated it, lol.

  4. Online dating as an INTJ guy in a small town is miserable. You start out writing elaborate messages that are (hopefully) witty and fun. But to very few responses. And then my desire to be efficient eventually just makes it more worth the time to just say "hey".
    It's actually effective too.

  5. INFP: I do have a list but it's less about the physical. The person needs to be warm, kind, have a good sense of humor care about others, respect me, ect… To me the physical isn't super important as long as there is physical attraction there

  6. ISTP here: Yep, the one on the right is spot on. Despite being a bubbly mess, she looks worth it to me, id take her on a few dates, spoil her rotten, get to know every detail and laugh all the way, but too bad we shall never meet. Unlucky! 😀

  7. Great video. As a INTj male I find online dating to be a nightmare. I spend so much time analyzing a Profile, creating what I believe to be a match percentage and when I find someone that I believe to be a good fit I realize I have the least amount of interest in small talk and just want to talk about real things. lol

  8. ISTJ here (very high Si user). I definitely have lists of "must haves", "wants", and "dealbreakers", and dealbreakers are about as obvious and off-putting as the INFP describes. Finding a deal breaker is like hearing your date let one rip on the first date. There's pretty much no coming back from that and the date goes from "see if I like this person" to "run out the clock so I can get back to my sanctuary and be by myself again"

  9. Male INFP here, and this is so spot on! I had trouble explaining my dating style to everybody because I was so embarassed about the way I go about it that i'd rather just say "I'm too lazy" or "Nobody likes me yet". But the truth was, I was waiting for somebody to make the first move, due to my approach anxiety and a decade of pseudo social isolation. It could be that sometimes our Fi doesn't value us very high, so we don't want to be pushy and forward, but instead like to just be there until someone picks us. That is what drives our heart to love the person more than anything, especially for me. I have thought like the INTJ when I know I have to act a certain way to gain someone's attention, but my Fi just doesn't want to execute it. The only "relationships" i've been in were all started by the other person, but it's the fuel that keeps me lighting it. The other way only works when I have a huge amount of motivation, and let's be honest, motivation comes random to us and usually in short bursts. It's not something long term, so I will start to neglect my partner if they don't display that warmth that breaks the ice. However, the more I mature and get confident, I tend to just wing it and approach. Sometimes, even when I get my reward though, I lose all interest. It's horrible but that's how my brain works too, so I'd rather be the reward for them.

  10. After trying online dating, I have a few ideas for what infjs are like. Hearing what you said about your Fi knowing whether or not you like someone makes me very envious because I find it so hard to know how I feel. A lot of my emotions get entangled with how the other person might feel because of Fe. When I get good signals indicating interest, I get confused and believe that I feel that same way. I definitely relate to how Ni creates this general idea for what they want in a partner. But then my Ni and Fe clash when my Ni knows for certain that a relationship wouldn't be able to develop, but my Fe wants to please this other person and imitate their interest. Not to mention that my Ni then tries to formulate this ideal person in my mind, which hardly ever translates to reality. After all of this clashing and dissapointment, I'm frankly just exhausted and wouldn't mind being single forever lol

  11. I actually want to answer your question at the end but.. i have not online dated, i mean, its.. complicated… anyway, well, i forgot entirely what i was talking about.

  12. Why is it that I'm an INFP but I relate to both INTJ and INFP in different aspects?? I feel like my Ni is quite good. Ne is not always so strong for me. Hmm. I have to contemplate this further. D-: The Ne is strong with this INFP…I'm a little envious! Why doesn't it work for me? >_< How do I make my Ne do stuff? lol

  13. this doesn't help. saying "i immediately know if i'll like them or not based on their micro expressions". you should go deeper. those micro expression trigger what? those macro expression make you feel like what and why? how can you say you don't like someone without interpretation? how to measure something, how to compare two things without knowing the difference between the two? unidentified sitting person (usp) vs. your inner fi world. nope! i didn't like this usp. nope. beargh. i wanna leave. that's what you are giving me here. help my ti understand.

  14. ENTJ: The perfect Ni response was waiting to see there being multiple signs of interest. It's the most effective way for a Ni user to determine weather someone likes us or not because Ni usually analyze patterns. Ni pick up on patterns and connect things together to form a big picture or a conclusion i.e she likes me otherwise all of these hugs and I love you's would be for nothing.

    I am in love with my Ni because it helps me explore my subconscious and see patterns in things in some amazing ways. It's as if allot is exposed to you and you have to determine what it all means, it's like a mad scientist that just made a discovery but now trying to make sense of all of it. You know it's a break through but you have to bring this idea down to everyone's else level so they can understand it. I could go on forever about this.

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